i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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