Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
