my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
