He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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