if you like me you must not know who I am
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
