i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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