Ambien. No doubt about it.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
