Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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