I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
