Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
