you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
