i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
