If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize