They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
