I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
