Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize