update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
