I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When are your genitals available?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
