i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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