You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
