hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
