so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
