does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
