Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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