Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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