My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
