My liver just broke up with me...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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