Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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