We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize