put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
