I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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