i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
