youre lurking in front of me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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