Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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