there's paper in my vomit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
