there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
