Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
