u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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