And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
