she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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