I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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