it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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