I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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