I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
