U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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