so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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