There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
