girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
