I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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