I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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