There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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