i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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