i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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