don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize