But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize