I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
