She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
