dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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