I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How does it feel to date your dad?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
