You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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