Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
