Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
