So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You made out with two different species that night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
