did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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