I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
