i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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