You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
