He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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