On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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