why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
