Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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