I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
