I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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