my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
