We're facebook friends in real life
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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