Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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