I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
