Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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