My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize