I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
