Small penises have feelings too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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