Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
