my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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