New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
