Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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